STOP TAKE SOME TIME TO THINK
This is line from an Against Me song is often in my thoughts. The song is about the band considering their trajectory as rock superstars and all the things that would be involved in becoming a commercial success. The awards shows, the control of the record company and the concern that their personal ideals would be compromised as a result of signing with a record label. The song grapples with the experience of wanting something, success, and determining a path to success that aligns with their values.
Throughout our lives we are told what to do and how to do it. Our parents. School. Peers. Media. Work. Governments. Cops. This is social conditioning at work in our society. We are socialized to follow a path that often looks like this: finish school, get a great job on your own talents and skills or go for higher learning to improve your capacity to get a great job, find a person to love forever and ever and legally lock down on that just in case they don’t, create other humans if you can and if you can’t there might be something wrong with you and people will question that, continue to work at the job you got whether you like it or not because you can’t quit now, continue loving the person you’re with even when they are a total asshole and demean you on the daily because you can’t quit now, and do your best to make healthy contributing humans, just like you, so that we can continue on this trajectory to “success”.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Frederick Nietzsche
I don’t know much about Nietzsche except for that I feel a bit pretentious using a quote from someone I don’t know much about. Anyhow, I chose this quote because THE RIGHT WAY does not exist.
There is no right way!!! Halle-fucking-lujah!
I’ve been a rebel since forever. On the inside. I grumbled and hustled and endured along the way to career and family success because I believed that maybe I’d been wrong about life. Maybe my way was wrong and that other people had it right. I love my children, I am grateful for their dad and the relationship we had because we supported each other to walk the line we both thought would help us feel good about ourselves. We chose to ignore the fact that we didn’t actually even like each other because it didn’t fit with the wobbly vision of success that we were blindly following. I loved the idea of my job and the money I made but I chose to ignore the emotional, physical and mental distress that I felt because of my job. I managed it by drinking to numb out the reality so that I could get up and go make the money. That worked until it didn’t anymore.
My point is there is only YOUR way for YOUR life. Anything less generates resentment and exhaustion. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous indicates that resentment is a major contributing factor of addictive behaviour. Resentment is anger that is internalized. Resentment is a cancer against well being. Resentment, if not addressed fully, will grow and fester, creating poison inside the physical body.
I got into recovery in 2010 and continue to work at healing myself with guidance from people I trust and my own intuition. I am in recovery from the social conditioning that I blindly followed until I learned to take back authority for my life. It’s not easy, going against the expectations of others. Following the crowd is easy, you’ve got lots of support to fit in and conform. If you’re really good at it, they might give you an award or more money.
I don’t know where exactly I will end up as a result of creating my own path. There is no definition of success for me as an ultimate goal. I experience success everyday when I honor myself, what I want and act in love for humanity (which is you guys!). I’m serving people with my work to honor their individual experiences to create their unique life path that is lit with excitement! This experience of life is much more personally rewarding than following someone else’s template.
Are you following a template? Are you connected in love to your people and your work? Do you want more? What do you want more of, exactly?
If this post makes you have any responses or questions, I’d love to learn more about your perspective.
xoxo,
